Permission to Breathe: How Mothers Can Create Holiday Magic Without the Pressure

The holiday season: it can be the most magical or the most chaotic time of the year. As a mom of four, I’ve learned that each holiday season feels different depending on what life is throwing at us. So let me just say right at the start of this blog: you have full permission to do as much or as little as you want. Don’t let outside pressure make you feel like you’re not “doing enough” this holiday season. Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s talk about how we can create magic—even if it’s on a slightly smaller scale this year.

When my first child was born, I went all out. Lights on the house, an inflatable Santa on the roof, multiple trees around the house—every corner was filled with Christmas magic. Advent calendars, holiday activities galore, and my Christmas cards were sent out by Thanksgiving, without fail. But then… came the twins. We started moving all over the country, and let’s just say, “Christmas Jessica” didn’t always show up as planned. It took me even longer to give myself permission to let things go when I wasn’t feeling up to it.

Let me tell you, I don’t decorate, wrap, or fuss over holiday details for anyone else. I do it for me because it brings me joy. Many of us get trapped in this cycle of thinking we need to outdo ourselves—or others. If you’re decorating or wrapping presents to impress others, it’s easy to lose the joy in it. That’s why it’s okay if you want to dial things back. So the years I was exhausted I let myself rest so I could come back full force the next year.

Setting My Holiday Limits

At the start of every holiday season, I ask myself: How many trees do I realistically want to put up this year without feeling stressed? What type of wrapping will actually make me happy? Sometimes, I send out Christmas cards to everyone, and other years, I just order a few for myself as a keepsake. There were years I scheduled professional photos, but now? It’s been ages since our last Christmas card photoshoot, and I still love the ones we create. Its all about giving yourself grace to be flexible with the traditions you want to create with your family.

So, you’re probably wondering—How do I decide how much I actually want to do?

Find Your Joy Points

Start with the things that genuinely bring you joy. If sending Christmas cards, picking out the perfect photo, and writing little notes to friends and family fills your heart, go for it! But if the thought of tracking down addresses, arranging the perfect card, and dealing with all the logistics stresses you out, don’t do it. The holidays are about joy, not stress, so give yourself permission to skip anything that feels like a chore instead of a celebration. As I type this out, I’m reminded of Marie Kondo’s method: she’d tell you to hold up each item in your home and ask, "Does this bring you joy?" If not, toss it. Well, I’m telling you to apply the same approach to your holiday traditions. If something doesn’t spark joy, let it go. The people who care about you will understand, and honestly, you don’t need anyone’s approval to have an amazing holiday season.

If you’re a “Christmas Tree Person” (hello, kindred spirit!), I feel you. I usually start putting up my trees in November—yes, you read that right. And by December 1, whatever trees are up, are up. I don’t stress myself out trying to squeeze in one more tree, because I’ve learned my limit. I love having a forest of trees to enjoy, but I also know when to stop. And yes, we are an artificial tree family. Years ago, I watched a particularly traumatic episode of Rescue 911 that featured a tree fire, and let’s just say, it scarred me for life. The image of a tree catching fire and flames crawling up the ceiling still haunts me. So, fake trees it is—no worries about fire hazards, and I can enjoy them for as long as I want. Starting early helps me take the pressure off and enjoy the beauty of the trees all season long without feeling like I'm racing the clock.

Holiday Activities, Traditions, and Family Plans

In my head, the holiday season kicks off on October 1st (hello, Halloween!), so my family and I start talking about our plans early. We discuss everything from whether we’re doing our usual holiday weekend in New York to who’s hosting what. My husband and I even follow my nephew’s custody schedule so we can sync up and make sure we’re all together when he’s with us. It’s like creating a holiday puzzle, but with a lot of love and planning involved.

Here’s the big lesson I’ve learned over the years: Christmas Day doesn’t need to be a marathon of back-to-back family visits and U-Hauls packed with gifts. Yes, I said U-Haul. Once, we rented one just to cart presents to another family member’s house, and I had my "I can’t do this anymore" moment. I realized that I’d been so busy trying to fit everything in that I wasn’t actually enjoying the day. Now, Christmas morning is a sacred time we spend at home, in our pajamas, just soaking in the magic of the season. No packing, no rushing around—just us and the Christmas tree.

When my sister had her first baby, I made it clear: "You don’t have to do the same thing. You don’t have to travel on Christmas Day if you don’t want to." We could always celebrate together at a different time, whether that’s after Christmas or on our regular New York weekend. Christmas Day is our one day off as a family, and I’ve made a conscious decision to cherish it in the comfort of our own home. It’s a tradition I plan to carry forward as my kids grow and start their own families. And let’s be honest—I’m pretty sure my husband and I will be spending Christmas in Disney anyway!

Blending Traditions: Creating New Family Customs Together

Merging traditions with your partner as you create your own family can be both exciting and challenging. It’s a chance to blend the things that were meaningful to each of you growing up, while also forging new practices that reflect your shared values and experiences. Start by having open conversations about what each of you holds dear—maybe it's a specific holiday meal, a favorite family outing, or a unique way of celebrating milestones. From there, you can decide together which traditions to keep, adapt, or let go of. It’s not about picking whose traditions “win,” but finding a balance that feels authentic to both of you and builds something special for your family. The key is flexibility, creativity, and a willingness to try new things. Over time, these new traditions will become the ones your children look forward to, creating a beautiful, evolving holiday experience that’s uniquely yours.

Meal Planning Magic: Embracing Simplicity in Holiday Cooking

For many of us, holiday meals are packed with traditions—recipes passed down through generations, favorite flavors that bring back memories, and dishes everyone expects to see on the table. But let’s be honest: the pressure to make everything from scratch can sometimes overshadow the joy of the meal. If there’s a year when life feels extra busy, give yourself permission to take shortcuts! For Thanksgiving, consider ordering some of the sides or desserts. This year, we’re taking the stress out of cooking by splitting responsibilities—each person brings one special dish, and we’re ordering a few crowd-favorites from a local restaurant. That way, we still get to enjoy our traditional flavors without spending the whole day in the kitchen. Whether it’s a beloved stuffing recipe or a creamy mashed potato side, letting a trusted restaurant do some of the work doesn’t make the meal any less meaningful. The best part? You’ll have more time to savor the moments around the table, rather than juggling pots and pans. So if cooking everything feels like too much this season, remember: good food and great company are what make the holidays magical, not a perfect lineup of homemade dishes.

Family Outings & Events: Keeping the Holiday Hustle Manageable

The holiday season is full of opportunities to make memories, but it’s easy to get carried away with planning events. Trying to fit too much into the calendar can leave everyone feeling rushed and exhausted. Instead, take a realistic approach to family outings. Choose one or two key events and keep the rest simple. Look for discounts on local attractions—many places offer family-friendly holiday pricing, and apps or websites can often help you find deals for shows, exhibits, or holiday light tours. Sometimes, getting the family out of the house can actually be a stress-reliever! Instead of hosting everyone at home, consider fun, low-key outings that keep the holiday spirit alive without the cleanup. Many areas offer festive options like ice skating, holiday parades, winter festivals, and classic shows like The Nutcracker or A Christmas Carol. Experiences like these don’t require hours of prep at home, and they offer a great way to break up the holiday routine. With a little planning (and a dash of humor!), you can enjoy the season without turning every day into a marathon.

Setting Boundaries Without Guilt

If you’re struggling to set boundaries—especially if your partner is hesitant about it—talk it out together. It might take some honest conversation and compromise, but you both need to agree on how you want to celebrate and what feels best for your family. And the reality is you need to prioritize the family you have created. Once you’re on the same page, everything becomes smoother and more enjoyable. Remember, boundaries aren’t about shutting people out—they’re about creating space for what truly matters to you. When you’re aligned as a couple, holidays become richer, more meaningful, and way less stressful.

Here’s a pro tip: divide and conquer. Each person should handle their own family’s plans. In our family, it’s my responsibility to communicate with my side of the family, and my husband does the same with his. This keeps things clear and avoids unnecessary confusion, ensuring that everyone knows where we stand—no double-booked dinners, no miscommunication—just smooth sailing. When you focus on what’s directly in your control, it helps reduce holiday chaos and gives you more time to enjoy each other’s company. Once the plans are set, it’s natural for the group to discuss the extended plans for the holiday.

So, here’s to a holiday season that’s as big or small as you want it to be. Don’t feel pressured to meet anyone’s expectations but your own. Embrace the traditions that bring you joy, let go of the ones that don’t, and savor each magical (or hilariously chaotic) moment. Whether it’s cozying up at home or going all out with the festivities, remember—you’re allowed to celebrate your way. And if anyone disagrees? Well, they can take it up with the inflatable Santa I’ve got proudly perched on my roof. It’s a holiday season, not a performance.